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Childless From Afar…

Easter is another one of those holidays that are hard. Why I don’t say yes to the invite…and watch childless from afar.

Online, at church and at your family’s you see the kids get all dressed up, having an Easter egg hunt and showing off who made or bought the best basket. You watch from afar…

All those dreams you had on what outfit you would pick or what type of basket you would get and best of all what Easter traditions will your family make…

Yes, Easter is not just about the Easter Bunny it is about Jesus.

This is where your mind start to play tricks on you. Jesus died for you, for your sins…. He rose from the dead and created millions of miracles.  BUT why NOT you…? Why someone else not you?

Are you not good enough? Are you being punished?

Those mind games can be rough.

You never though on Easter Sunday that you would be childless and NOT by your choice. Never in a million years did you think that.

The constant fight

You fought such so hard to be mom, whether it was through IVF, adoption of foster care… BUT it did NOT happen… No matter how hard you tried and how hard your prayed BUT really it was how much you BEGGED Jesus to make you a mom.

 All those late night deals you tried to make with him…? The negations you thought would work…

This is just another holiday and another reminder that you will not have these beautiful moments with a child. Your child… So you watch from afar with your silent cries… and just wait for this day to be finally done with… Then the worst day of the years comes in just a few weeks… Mother’s Day…

So if I tell you I am busy I am probably lying and just don’t want to watch your family together with envy. Sometimes it is what is best for me. I know you mean well by the invite but just take No for what is… try to understand I don’t need your pity or your comfort… I just need to watch– childless from afar.

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